WW Weeks 27 & 28

Week 27 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 253.0 lbs (-1.6 lb)
Total Loss: -67.8 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/230 lbs (ultimate/short term)

Week 28 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 253.2 lbs (+ 0.2 lb)
Total Loss: -67.6 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/230 lbs (ultimate/short term)

Okay, the part I was not looking forward to posting is out of the way. It's funny how avoidance is and can be a huge part of all areas of one's life and how one's diet is so deep psychologically. Being in my current frame of mind throughout this journey, I realized that weight loss all comes down to the inter-connections of the brain. That's so difficult to fully understand even when I feel that I am able to grasp it to my core. I've found this place, somewhere inside me, that is a place of peaceful understanding and acceptance. For the first time in my life, EVER, this has been my attitude towards my weight loss/eating/etc. but hopefully it's something that when once experienced won't just leave at some point. That is an enormous fear of mine along this journey to a healthier me.

My WW leader, who is a my saving grace when I'm doubting anything, asked a wonderfully challenging question to us- "Why do our [people on weight loss journeys] feelings count less than others?" This was something she asked us during our discussion about Thanksgiving and why couldn't we bring our own cooler with foods WE can/want to eat, while not eating everything else that was made by the host. People in the group responded because everyone who helped cook the main foods will be offended and/or hurt if we don't eat their foods. But why are our wants/needs/feelings over looked when it comes to OUR food? That's a great question.

I don't know. But, I do know that lots of people I have met along my lifetime have pushed my feelings to the side so that they can feel better about themselves. It really stinks to be the one that always has to be the bigger person, consider everyone else and their feelings, and hide the vulnerable part of yourself with a wall of ignorance. How does one stand up for themselves without being the jerk, bitch, selfish, asshole that doesn't care about anybody but themselves? How do you do that when you're super shy and have a lot of anxiety? This is something that I will be thinking about daily, during any interaction with others, and I make it a personal goal to be my own advocate, even when others try to make me feel bad for that.

WW Week 26 & A Bit of Rant About "Friends"

This Week: Eating-wise this was a typical week. Was glad to be down 1.2 after having such a huge loss last week. Nothing too abnormal to report.

However.

Friendship-wise this week was fucking STRANGE! Okay, you may or may not know that I started this journey with a 'friend' of mine. Since May we've gone to meetings together, even driving together when our schedules allow for it. This Monday I get a text saying she'll meet me there tomorrow, okay no biggie. Then Tuesday a.m. I get this weird text from her telling me that "I'm not going to the meeting tonight. I went this a.m. I won't be going next Tues. p.m. either. I've decided it's what's best for me at this time." And to add to this we haven't spoken in over a week (usually we speak on the phone at least every other day). Plus, I've texted her asking what's up, and not getting any replies. Then today I texted her asking if she's going to ignore me forever or if she just needed some time to herself. I get back this text telling me that basically I'm being in her face and that I just need to back off. HUH???!?!?!?!


Okay, I need your opinions- is this text weird/unfriendly or am I over thinking this/missing something here?

Week 25 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 254.6 lbs (-1.2 lb)
Total Loss: -66.2 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/230 lbs (ultimate/short term)

WW Weeks 24 & 25

These Weeks: Last week I was down a little over half a pound, which was disappointing, but you know what? It's okay because I keep looking forward. In the past, I would usually be discouraged by lower number losses and give up and gain it all back. Maybe that's why I'm successful this time around- I just keep going no matter what the scale says. My weight is heading the right direction for once in my life and I keep on going. Even my leader, who asks 'how I do it' every time I hit another 10lbs down, always hears that I'm staying on plan and just chugging along.

When I stepped on the scale this week I didn't know what to expect. I was shocked to see a 5.4 loss! I've been eating all my daily points, all my weekly points, AND all my activity points. This diet plan is not starving me like others did when I tried them before.

I did have a pretty cool experience at Lane Bryant the other day. This week I went through my closet trying on things to see what still fits well enough and what is just too damn big. Turns out I only had 1 pair of pants that actually fit. Went with my mother to LB to get some new jeans for us and I actually tried on a pair of blue 18s and they fit!! I didn't have to suck my gut in, the pants' seams weren't screaming for mercy, and I could sit down while breathing! I started my journey at a TIGHT size 26 for pants, so this is pretty cool. :) I know that one day I will be too small to wear LB clothing any more, and that will be awesome and is one of my main motivators to lose weight, but at the same time is terrifying because LB has been my main clothing store for pretty much my entire adult life. I only had to go into one store, I didn't have to wonder about the others because they didn't fit me. But when they do, it opens up this bigger scary world of choices.

Week 24 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 261.2 lbs (-0.6 lb)
Total Loss: -59.6 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/230 lbs (ultimate/short term)

Week 25 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 255.8 lbs (-5.4 lb)
Total Loss: -65 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/230 lbs (ultimate/short term)

WW Week 23

This Week: Rather stressful week. Did some emotional eating, however, I stayed within points for the week. Next week my aim is to be down 1.9 lbs. That would put my total loss at 60 lbs, I'd be out of the 260's, and my amount to lose would be under 100 lbs. This is an important week! Better stay focused, because this Sunday starts the 'holidays and birthdays' until January. I will admit that I am very apprehensive of the upcoming months of celebrations. They are so food centered (and not healthy foods) and I hope I can stay on the wagon so to speak. Here's hoping!

Week 23 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 261.8 lbs (-2.4 lb)
Total Loss: -59 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/239 lbs (ultimate/short term)

2 Awesomesauces!

1. According to BMI charts, I am no longer classified as "morbidly obese." Now, I'm just plain ol' obese.

2. For reaching my short term goal weight I wanted to buy myself a new NIU sweatshirt (a sort-of tradition most years). Well, the good news- I'm no longer in a 2X.. or an XL. I was able to purchase and FIT into (with plenty of room) a size Large!! :D

WW Weeks 21 & 22

These Weeks: Many people that lose weight consistently reach a plateau weight-wise. Well, that hasn't happened for me.. however I have reached a motivation plateau. I am following plan, tracking all my food, weighing for portion sizes, trying to eat lots of healthy foods.. but my mind isn't in the game lately. I don't know if it's just that I'm getting used to (aka. bored) with the plan or if the excitement of it is wearing off, but I DO NOT want to gain any of this weight back. I'm finally fitting into old clothes that I haven't worn in years. It feels great, but I don't want to stop here. I want more reactions like I got this past weekend at a friend's baby's baptism. One of my friend's parents hasn't seen me in months and told me later at the dinner party that she was very shocked when she saw me walk into the church. She could tell that I had lost a lot of weight and that she almost didn't recognize me. :) That was very nice to hear! Just have to keep going to goal!

I did have a rough Monday which I thought would be my un-doing. My cat growing up (who had been living with my grandmother for the last five years) stopped eating and we put him to sleep. Thankfully I planned ahead for my meals (somewhat) so that I could resist the urge to eat because I am so sad about Sam passing on. *sigh*

Week 21 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 265.8 lbs (-1.0 lb)
Total Loss: -55.0 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/265 lbs (ultimate/short term)
 
Week 22 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 264.2 lbs (-1.6 lb)
Total Loss: -56.6 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/265/239 lbs (ultimate/short term/new short term)

WW Week 20

This Week: Felt like I ate a lot this week, but it's funny because I lost almost 3 lbs. It still blows my mind that I am able to eat lots of food and lose this much weight! In the past trying to lose weight seemed so impossible because I felt I had to restrict my diet and cut things out of my life. I'm starting to truly see how wrong I was, and how skewed peoples' views of portions sizes are.

One example is how I've been really enjoying eating the Spicy Chicken Tinga Quesadilla at California Pizza Kitchen. Well, it's on the 'small cravings' portion of the menu; which I lovingly call 'real portion sized menu.' Pretty much every time I've ordered it in the last few weeks (about 4 or 5 times) the waiter/waitress has mentioned how, "Oh, that's very small, you might want to order something to go with it." Okay, now I know they are trying to be helpful but that comment pisses me off for a couple reasons. 1. They probably assume it won't be enough because of my size. 2. They assume they know anything about me and figure I'm stupid. 3. SOOOOO many people are the same way about portion sizes! My sister said something the first time, my mom the 2nd, and the 3rd I warned anybody from opening their mouths.

Sure, if I hadn't been eating correct portion sizes for as long as I have, I too would've said it wasn't enough to eat- but now that I'm on track and doing so well, I don't NEED ANYBODY telling me how much "I should" eat. If the damn thing fills me up, then it's the right portion size for me. I don't need to stuff my face to feel satisfied at a meal anymore. Can you sense some anger/resentment here? I sure do.

Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 266.8 lbs (-2.8 lb)
Total Loss: -54.0 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/265 lbs (ultimate/short term)