This week it really hit me that I need to lose weight. It's always been an issue for me, ever since around Jr. High when I got majorly picked on for having terrible acne. Ever since I could remember I've been really tall which has made me self conscious about how others view me. Now, I've always had the mind set of 'love yourself the way you are' and I do, but these past few weeks I've noticed that my body isn't feeling as normal as it usually does. My goal this week or maybe next is to join Weight Watchers. I hope this is a program that I can stick to and actually lose enough weight that I can go shopping in multiple stores instead of ones aimed at the plus size girls only.
I'm nervous about joining. I don't know what to expect, and the idea of going to a meeting with others is very nerve wracking for me. I wish I knew someone who has done it before and could explain it to me a little before I go.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Friends, hobbies, and the time in between
Lately I've been feeling sad, lonely, tired, anxious, and bored all at once. Part of me wants to get out and do lots of different activities and another wants to be alone and never see anyone. I've been trying to overcome my social anxieties by going out with some new friends- since most of the old ones left me in the dust when I met Rob. When did finding friends go from being an everyday occurrence to a job? I miss the days when the people you were in class with were your friends. How does one adult meet another and start a friendship? I don't like bars, parties, or just talking to random people.
My goals for the rest of this year include (well first finding a teaching job) making new friends that I can do things with (aka away from Rob), find some cheap hobbies that are fun, and get out more often. I've been pushing myself out of my comfort zone a lot this year and sometimes it's really great, other times I have regrets.
Other than all of that- Daisy Roo and I have been doing awesome in agility. Last week we ran a clean course in 68 seconds (qualifying time was 63 seconds) so we would've had a score of 95/100! Maybe sometime this summer Daisy Roo and I can get into some real competition. She needs to run faster before we do.
My goals for the rest of this year include (well first finding a teaching job) making new friends that I can do things with (aka away from Rob), find some cheap hobbies that are fun, and get out more often. I've been pushing myself out of my comfort zone a lot this year and sometimes it's really great, other times I have regrets.
Other than all of that- Daisy Roo and I have been doing awesome in agility. Last week we ran a clean course in 68 seconds (qualifying time was 63 seconds) so we would've had a score of 95/100! Maybe sometime this summer Daisy Roo and I can get into some real competition. She needs to run faster before we do.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Dreams
Something that has always been a blessing and a curse to me my entire life is the way I dream. When I am able to remember my dreams, they are as vivid as if they actually happened. However, this also happens with nightmares.
The good ones are terrific. I can't tell you how many fun things I've done in my dreams. There have been plenty of dreams where I KNEW I was dreaming (I almost always jump off of high things when I know I'm dreaming because it's fun to float down). Some of the best ones are meeting and sleeping with celebrities. *blushes* I can say that Will Smith is an awful kisser, but a great cuddler. Stabler from Law & Order SVU is an AMAZING lover- I hope to encounter him again sometime.
When I start having nightmares, I usually end up having them every night for weeks, sometimes months at a time. During the nightmare times it is very difficult to want to go to sleep.. usually I lose a lot of sleep because I avoid it.
This scares me because I just started having nightmares Wednesday night, and again last night. My nightmares are bizarre, scary, and upsetting.
Rob and I had been engaged for 4 years before we finally set a date (which was only 4 months from when we decided on the date). Most people don't know this, but one of the reasons I finally set a date was because of a nightmare I had.
My nightmare was day-to-day living; just real life but in my dream. One day I got a phone call that Rob had been killed in an accident. I lived day in day out for 6 months after the news of his death. I remember crying for weeks, days when my family came to visit me, days when I vacuumed. I basically lived, worked, slept for 6 months after Rob being dead. I woke up once and I started to cry like I had for the weeks prior, but this time when I turned over to cuddle his pillow, he was there. That's when I started to realize none of what had just happened was real. To live full days and nights for 6 months was torture. Then to find out it was all in my head is even more freaky.
I just hope I'm not on a roll for nightmares. *crosses fingers*
The good ones are terrific. I can't tell you how many fun things I've done in my dreams. There have been plenty of dreams where I KNEW I was dreaming (I almost always jump off of high things when I know I'm dreaming because it's fun to float down). Some of the best ones are meeting and sleeping with celebrities. *blushes* I can say that Will Smith is an awful kisser, but a great cuddler. Stabler from Law & Order SVU is an AMAZING lover- I hope to encounter him again sometime.
When I start having nightmares, I usually end up having them every night for weeks, sometimes months at a time. During the nightmare times it is very difficult to want to go to sleep.. usually I lose a lot of sleep because I avoid it.
This scares me because I just started having nightmares Wednesday night, and again last night. My nightmares are bizarre, scary, and upsetting.
Rob and I had been engaged for 4 years before we finally set a date (which was only 4 months from when we decided on the date). Most people don't know this, but one of the reasons I finally set a date was because of a nightmare I had.
My nightmare was day-to-day living; just real life but in my dream. One day I got a phone call that Rob had been killed in an accident. I lived day in day out for 6 months after the news of his death. I remember crying for weeks, days when my family came to visit me, days when I vacuumed. I basically lived, worked, slept for 6 months after Rob being dead. I woke up once and I started to cry like I had for the weeks prior, but this time when I turned over to cuddle his pillow, he was there. That's when I started to realize none of what had just happened was real. To live full days and nights for 6 months was torture. Then to find out it was all in my head is even more freaky.
I just hope I'm not on a roll for nightmares. *crosses fingers*
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter and the Bittersweetness
Well, another Easter has come and gone. It seems like the holidays just aren't as fun as they were when I was a kid. I don't know if it's because no one wants to play games or go for walks with me anymore, or if it's just the parents getting older and less interested. Either way it's sad, and it only gets more sad with each passing year. Thank goodness I have Rob.
And then today is my first REAL day off of school. It's really sad to think that I won't get to see wonderful smiling faces every day. Being an unemployed teacher comes with a really lonely life. All day today I've been thinking about what the kids are up to. It's 9:45, time for PE; oh now it's 11:20 they are on their way to lunch... 2:00 time for Social Studies. However, it is nice to not have to get up at 5:30 am every day.
I'm so torn.
And then today is my first REAL day off of school. It's really sad to think that I won't get to see wonderful smiling faces every day. Being an unemployed teacher comes with a really lonely life. All day today I've been thinking about what the kids are up to. It's 9:45, time for PE; oh now it's 11:20 they are on their way to lunch... 2:00 time for Social Studies. However, it is nice to not have to get up at 5:30 am every day.
I'm so torn.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Kitchen "Afters"
August 2009 was the month I spent on painting, organizing, and making the kitchen pretty. I absolutley LOVE spending time in my kitchen now instead of hating it! Hope you enjoy them!
Still cluttered, but with the new dish rack that fits in the sink it looks much better than this!
New oven hood with adjustable lighting! Cat eating area is on the left.
Better view of the new spice rack! Custom ordered!
Close up of my cooking buddy. Found him on Etsy.com.
Pretty new pot holders with dragonfly hooks! :)
Counter view. Look at all that room! The doggies were our wedding cake topper.
Country star next to the back door. Notice the water cooler- no more kitty litter in the kitchen!
Our HduO water cooler. Cold water for everyone! Refills the pet bowl at the bottom automatically.
We re-arranged the table so we had more room, and so we didn't have to move it everytime we wanted to sit at it. That's the back door behind it.
Remember the cluttery shelf and wall? Organized and painted citrus blast!
Our Simple human trash/recycle bin. It's AWESOME!
Door way view into the all blue living room. I bought 2 cute bins at the Container Store to organize the stuff on top of the fridge.
Opposite the refrigerator. Shares a wall with the living room.
We found a great 'buy one get one free' sale of Fiesta Wear and we got ourselves a REAL set of dishes.
Just a close up of the sign where the doggies eat.
The Vet
Took the dogs to the vet today and about died at the bill. I really like our vet for a bunch of reasons, but her prices are not on that list. I'm making the switch to someone that doesn't require so many tests. I refuse to pay $333 for a two dog visit ever again. Ugh.
Now comes the task of finding a great vet with reasonable prices in the area!
Now comes the task of finding a great vet with reasonable prices in the area!
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