WW Weeks 27 & 28

Week 27 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 253.0 lbs (-1.6 lb)
Total Loss: -67.8 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/230 lbs (ultimate/short term)

Week 28 Stats
Height: 5'9"
Starting Weight: 320.8 lbs
Current Weight: 253.2 lbs (+ 0.2 lb)
Total Loss: -67.6 lbs
Goal Weight(s): 160/230 lbs (ultimate/short term)

Okay, the part I was not looking forward to posting is out of the way. It's funny how avoidance is and can be a huge part of all areas of one's life and how one's diet is so deep psychologically. Being in my current frame of mind throughout this journey, I realized that weight loss all comes down to the inter-connections of the brain. That's so difficult to fully understand even when I feel that I am able to grasp it to my core. I've found this place, somewhere inside me, that is a place of peaceful understanding and acceptance. For the first time in my life, EVER, this has been my attitude towards my weight loss/eating/etc. but hopefully it's something that when once experienced won't just leave at some point. That is an enormous fear of mine along this journey to a healthier me.

My WW leader, who is a my saving grace when I'm doubting anything, asked a wonderfully challenging question to us- "Why do our [people on weight loss journeys] feelings count less than others?" This was something she asked us during our discussion about Thanksgiving and why couldn't we bring our own cooler with foods WE can/want to eat, while not eating everything else that was made by the host. People in the group responded because everyone who helped cook the main foods will be offended and/or hurt if we don't eat their foods. But why are our wants/needs/feelings over looked when it comes to OUR food? That's a great question.

I don't know. But, I do know that lots of people I have met along my lifetime have pushed my feelings to the side so that they can feel better about themselves. It really stinks to be the one that always has to be the bigger person, consider everyone else and their feelings, and hide the vulnerable part of yourself with a wall of ignorance. How does one stand up for themselves without being the jerk, bitch, selfish, asshole that doesn't care about anybody but themselves? How do you do that when you're super shy and have a lot of anxiety? This is something that I will be thinking about daily, during any interaction with others, and I make it a personal goal to be my own advocate, even when others try to make me feel bad for that.